SUMMARY OF EDITS FOR CHAPTERS NINE & TEN
Apart from a small amount of rewriting to show character
reactions in more detail, Chapter Nine required only minor editing. However, a
comment my editor made about the MC disobeying orders provided a catalyst for
me to make changes elsewhere. This comment was highlighted again in the
editorial report and made a very valid point. In my first draft, the MC was just
a little too nice and as the story progressed this became a hindrance. In my
rewrites I have shown the MC being rebellious from the start. This aspect of
her character is one which helps to define her as a person and makes her
actions later on more believable.
Chapter Ten is where the editing stopped and some serious
rewriting began. In summary, this is what I did to improve it.
In the original version, the MC witnesses the Watch leave
the village to try and catch one of the mysterious intruders. The following
morning, she learns that they’d had an encounter and several people were hurt.
She pays a visit to a friend who relates the tale. In the rewritten version,
she insists on taking part. As a result, she and the reader experience these
events at first hand. I was then able to cut out the second scene. However, it
wasn’t wasted.
In the second part of
the chapter another important character tries to persuade the MC to run away
with him. She refuses and he doesn’t return home. She then goes off to seek
help to find him. Because he’s an outsider no one wants to help. The MC
then has a drink and a chat with another character about a forthcoming event
which will alter both their lives. In the rewritten version the scene where the
MC is asked to run away remains. However, the outsider doesn’t disappear at
this point, but returns home. As a result, I was able to cut the scene where
the MC goes looking for him and her subsequent chat. In the rewritten version I
combined the best elements of the scenes I’d cut into a new scene. This appears
between the scene with the intruders and the one where she is asked to run
away. The next chapter provides a much better point in the story for the
outsider to disappear.
When I compare my original draft with the latest version, I
can see that I had some good material. The problem was that it wasn’t presented
in the right way and didn’t exploit its potential. Whilst the latest draft
might not be the final one, it stands head and shoulders over the previous.
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