SUMMARY OF EDITS FOR CHAPTERS FIFTEEN AND SIXTEEN
Chapter
Fifteen only required minor revision. This occurred at the end of the chapter
and included one instance of the passive voice and a small amount of telling
writing. For comparison I will show you both the original and amended text.
The
original version:
Elisha’s
heart raced as Jack led them away from the hide on a route which took them in a
wide circle of the Scavengers camp. She felt
conscious of every sound they made and feared any one of them might alert
the Scavengers to their presence. Once they found themselves inside the tree
line she felt slightly more relieved.
Amended
version:
Elisha’s
heart raced as Jack led them away from the hide on a route which took them in a
wide circle of the Scavengers camp. Conscious
of every sound they made, she feared they might alert the Scavengers to
their presence. Once inside the tree line she
exhaled with relief and wiped the sweat from her palms on her dress.
Chapter
Sixteen contained a few instances of missing commas which were easily
rectified. The main change was the addition of some new material. As I
mentioned in an earlier post the MC was still being reactive at a point in the
story when she should have been proactive. In the original version she made no
attempt to escape in the hours following her capture. The amended version shows
her trying to make her way back to the hide when she thinks her captors aren’t
looking. For the purposes of the story she needed to be unsuccessful.
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