SUMMARY OF EDITS FOR CHAPTERS SEVEN & EIGHT

Chapter Seven didn’t require too much attention. There were a few instances of missing commas, and the use of a cliché as discussed in the previous post. Chapters Six and Seven were both fairly short and, as I didn’t feel the end of Chapter Six was dramatic enough, I combined them.

I made a small addition to Chapter Eight. In the original draft I wrote:

Les Brown rummaged through the scrap. ‘This is worth buying,’ he said to Hugo with enthusiasm.

My editor wrote, “What sort of stuff tells us more about the world.”

After I’d kicked myself for not doing so, I thought about how this should be accomplished. Describing it in this particular scene wouldn’t have had much impact. However, something the MC learned about in the previous chapter would tie in nicely. Just before the cliffhanger at the end of the chapter, I added another small scene as follows:

As they headed for home across the Green, two boys from the smithy arrived pushing a hand cart.

Les pointed at a pile of metal covered by a large canvas sheet. ‘It’s that lot over there. Get it loaded up and take it back to the forge.’

Elisha and Jack stopped to watch as the boys removed the cover and revealed an assortment of scrap metal. The haul included steel sheets and several iron rods with ragged ends, which suggested they’d been cut away from something larger. In addition Les had acquired some copper tubing and some lead. A piece of metal shaped like a wheel caught her interest. Dull silver, its middle was engraved with an oval shape surrounding some text.

While the boys loaded their cart, Elisha stooped down and ran her hand over it. She turned to Jack, looking for confirmation and whispered, ‘This looks like one of those written words you showed me.’

He knelt beside her and placed an index finger over the word. ‘Yes, it’s writing.’

She stood up and drew him aside so the smiths wouldn’t be able to hear. ‘What does it say?’

He glanced at the wheel and then back to her. ‘It’s says Ford, although what that means I can’t tell you.’